Creating Boundaries with Your Boo!

As previously mentioned, October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Here at Cahuilla Consortium Victim Advocate Program (CCVAP), we believe it is essential to discuss the different components of abuse. This week, we will address boundaries and their role in abusive relationships.

What are boundaries? Boundaries are rules you communicate to the people in your life. They are rules that outline how you want to be treated emotionally, physically, sexually, and financially. Boundaries tell people your likes and dislikes. Boundaries are clear lines that should not be crossed and, when followed, show mutual respect between individuals.

In a healthy relationship, setting boundaries increases independence and limits the likelihood of codependency. They allow us to be confident in ourselves and build healthy self-esteem.

A sign of an abusive relationship is the absence of healthy boundaries. If your partner refuses to adhere to your boundaries or makes you feel guilty attempting to set boundaries, you are most likely in an abusive relationship. No one should ever feel guilty about implementing boundaries. Boundaries are important and make us feel heard by the people in our lives. Boundaries are necessary for every relationship, whether that be with family, in a romantic relationship, or between friends. Setting boundaries keeps us safe.

Healthy boundaries to consider:

• Sexual Boundaries – Ensure proper consent is obtained and followed by both partners—Check in to ensure your partner's comfort level during sexual experiences. Consistently reassess limitations and expectations surrounding your partner's sexual boundaries (think contraception and sexual preferences).
• Emotional Boundaries – Emotional boundaries can provide the comfort of your emotional well-being and internal comfort levels. Placing emotional boundaries ensures you are not overwhelmed due to your partner's emotions.
• Financial Boundaries – These types of boundaries surround your material belongings like money or personal items. Placing boundaries around your things helps protect you from financial abuse and ensures all your possessions remain in your care.
• Physical Boundaries – Physical boundaries can apply to people in your circle you may have a relationship with and strangers on the street. It is important to communicate your physical boundaries (i.e., giving handshakes instead of hugs) to ensure they are followed.

Boundaries can and should exist in every relationship that we have. This October, take a moment to reexamine the boundaries you have set with those around you. Be sure to set boundaries that make you feel safe!

Learn more about creating boundaries at:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries#types

https://www.choosingtherapy.com/boundaries-in-relationships/